We are a closely knit family though. I didn’t know how to explain what I felt or what triggered it. Options include therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination of these treatments. Can’t win for losing in this life. I am often guilt tripped into starting a relationship or having physical contact with a man which devastates me, especially when the man tells me I am an awful human being for rejecting them when I am terrified out of my mind to the point of breaking down. Then the more I think when am I going to be thrown away or that they deserve someone else. I’ve a reputation for being an extremely patient person, so this is well out of the ordinary for me. Panic and anxiety attacks are also common. I want to overcome my fears because I crave closeness to the point I feel physically sick and my chest hurts constantly. But before going ahead make yourself conscious about how much do you really love him. “Then, setting some small goals, like responding with a ‘Hello’ if someone says ‘Hi’ to you, or meeting a friend or colleague for coffee. It’s really hard. These can slowly build and will start to ease the fears.”. Pistanthrophobia is a phobia of getting hurt by someone in a romantic relationship. I wanted to introduce him to my family. Go out and show the world this amazing man named Bill. I am single from 4 years now and I thought i am weird. I did suffer from break up as well and I clearly do not wish to get involved anymore. Fears related to hit and run OCD (e.g., hitting pedestrians while turning right on red, backing up, driving in outer lanes). There may be many obstacles that will make you want to just give up, but one day, you’ll realize it was all worth it because love is a lot stronger than fear. Their well being often depends on the responses they receive from the person they love. While some people consider falling in love the most wonderful and intense thing that can happen to you, other people find it terrifying. Except, even the thought of going on dates is scary for me. I hardly get attached to any woman because I’ve lost that part of me that will do anything to keep my woman happy. The fear of speaking in public. It’s like when they leave I’m actually a little relieved because they’ve just proved me right but then I feel bad cause I pushed them away. I can’t tell him anything at some point i don’t trust him. I had a woman once that wanted to call the police on me when all I said to her was good morning, and being a single man myself I would love to meet a good woman to spend the rest of my life with. I feel the same although I have sisters and brothers but they always avoid conflict so I was always alone and might have this fear of loving because of my parents always fighting and me trying to stop them. In college there were many nice women, but I had no social skills and therefore no confidence. Hi. Everyone has there own way of thinking and opinions. I do want to fall in love, but this thought of falling in love makes me nauseous and dizzy. If a person had any past relationship failure such as divorce, it can strongly cause philophobia in a person. Talking out your problems helps you sort through them, because you can see it clearly outlined in front of you. It was extremely hurtful and I never ever want to fall in love again. But so far, I haven’t made any progression. But with the necessary counseling, anything is possible. “There may be many avenues for growth within the experience which are simply being categorized as ‘hurt’ due to avoidance,” said Dehorty: “Once the source is explored, some reality-testing of possible future relationships can be done.”. Such people tend to live their lives in solitude. I can’t blame guys for it; I’m standoffish, and I’m far more valuable as a student/employee than a person. I love him but i can’t see myself losing him. These facts and statistics are compiled from different sources from the web. The sufferer dreads romantic relationships and emotional attachment. I’m a survivor of domestic abuse both physically and mentally and sexually. Im 15 years old and since childhood I and my family faced a lot of problems. Sometimes i love being with him but sometimes its the other way round. So i took back the yes. I fear love is bad because anyone who ever told me they loved me hurt me in some way or form. Nope. Love is toxic. I have a crush on a guy and when he tells me I feel like I don’t love him anymore and am too cool at school that every boy loves me. I can mostly hide it around friends and coworkers but my family, and especially I myself, get no quarter. When my parents fought during my young elementary years, I was traumatized (apparently both of my parents side of the family were in an unhappy marriage too; however, they are back on track). I didn’t suffer through a divorce or domestic fights. I cannot tell the person i love how i feel, i cannot even kiss him. Glossophobia. Maybe you just need to find someone you makes you feel safe and secured in your life. I can’t tell whether I developed it as a result of my parent’s divorce when I was very young or if I had it from birth (not sure if that’s possible), but I do know that I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. Again jumping from place to place. Phobias are listed on this page alphabetically by their medical or scientific label. Find a way to make him learn different assocations with the feeling of love and relationship. It is believed that England’s Queen Elizabeth might have been a philophobic. The relationship wasn’t very harmonic and I am sure that my issues was a part of that. I swear save it for the right boy (or man when you are READY). As long as I can remember, I was never able to say it. My parents were arranged and they always end up arguing with each other, and I used to be alone. I’m 14 and the word love is too strong but the way i’ve been treated by my family, friends, boyfriends, and men (yes I mean 18+ men who always try to get in my pants). Then we started going out. Medications are generally used in combination with therapy. Just enjoy being you at your age. I couldn’t forget about him. So, came to the most obvious conclusion that my feelings don’t matter or that have any type of self worth and someone always wants to use me for some reason or other. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Let love come to you after you give it freely by showing loyalty and class and integrity. I think you are such a strong individual who won’t have any problems in life. I therefore grew jealous and paranoid, i need help seriously or am i stuck here for life. I believe mine started because I moved so much and I’m afraid that if I make a strong relationship (friends or more) it will hurt too much in the end. I would like to invite you to look at the dictionary definition of feminism, as told by Merriam-Webster: “a theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.” Notice that in no way does it put down men, or elevate women. I was so happy it felt as if I was on cloud 9. Mine is due to parents divorce, afterwards dad did not keep contact with me, meaning not there for those educational events that girls have. But then he started messaging me saying that he was sorry for everything and that he still had feelings for me and that he wasn’t going out with my friend and like an idiot I fell again. Now I’m 15, i have two guy friends. So, not only did I break the contact of him, I never went back to church to avoid anyone that connects me to him and I’m not going to church anymore. Philophobia shares some similarities with disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED), an attachment disorder in children under 18. You don’t see that you have an abnormal psychology but others who are happy in their lives see it. I’m by far no psychotherapist but I want to try my best to help you (even if this post was made last year and isn’t up-to-date at all, maybe I can ease some complications for other people too). Its origin is the Greek word thanato, which means death and phobia, which means fear. You have nothing to prove to no one except the man you look at in the mirror Bill. Let someone know your true intent and feelings. I have NEVER been able to maintain female friendships. I’m 29 years old and I have philophobia. I am only 20 and I am here currently battling this Phobia and I’m wondering now if I even want to anymore. Show him what you would plan with him and how you imagine the future together. Symptoms can vary from person to person. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, and most people around me have no idea how empty I feel. I am worried I may have Philophobia. I’m also 19 and don’t share my feelings with people and always try to deal with things independently. I’ve had two long term relationships that were loving at one time and since the dissolving of the last one many years ago, I’m absolutely terrified to fall in love. When I get this job I am trying for, I think I will get myself checked as well. Actually I don’t even believe in love. People love me and wants to be with me but somehow i end up getting distant from them. My mom and dad would fight a lot, dad would even hit mom at times, in front of us-their children, their fault. Such a learn process can be exhausting and take a lot of time and effort but maybe it can ease the problem. You may become concerned about a politician who is running ahead in the polls, particularly if they direct negative messages to people or causes you care about. However, I specifically told him that this doesn’t mean I’ll forget about it, nor wanting to talk to him. The result? Philophobia is classified within the group of mental illnesses know… Men nowadays are so quick to leave a relationship. Give love and you will receive it. The causes stated that; it can happen either because of a divorce between parents, culture, or the fear of commitment. You may need to practise with one situation a few times before you are ready to move on to the next one. But she was never given monetary support from my father. That’s what my life has been and that’s what I run away from at every turn. But you don’t just find love from the other person, but you can find it from yourself because loving yourself is the first step to share the love with others. I think I’m philophobic. Often the suffering of people concerned by disorders increases with their own feel of shame for themselves and their disability of control. And as for the therapy, I don’t know how much it’ll help. I think that I can never have anyone in my life. I can’t be like that so it’s in my best interest to never show or give love to another ever again. I’ve prayed to my God and have tried to be more receptive to advances. If you decide to end your life, the person who is meant for you will be stuck without a soulmate. You'll grow into—and out of—it. I don't know why. It’s frustrating. Blaming All Women will get you nowhere. I know it may seem like no one cares but people actually do. At that moment I didn’t think too much about him since he wasn’t the only new student. I gained confidence to try a relationship when I turned 18 at the peak of my senior year. I had previous relationships before, but they always end up failing on my part. Hi.. After I had accepted the fact that I liked him I told my group of friends. You can only depend on yourself at this point and will be for years and years to come, that can suck sometimes and other times it’s fabulous. She said I was a terrible husband even though I made 6 figures (she didn’t work), did all the housework and yardwork, ran all the errands, and took care of the kids when I was home. And at the end of the day, everyone just invalidates it, and says it’s not really a problem and even if it is, it’s all my fault. We tend to try and appear powerful and manly so our lady can feel safe. Hey, I know it’s tough for you especially when you have 7 kids with you but I know you can endure all the difficulties you have today. To some people who love getting or being married, this phobia might seem like an excuse. In the end, YOU are the one who decides whether you continue to hate yourself, or get up and fight for yourself. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. xoxo. As time went on my feelings became stronger. No matter how you look at it, this is ridiculous. Gamophobia is signified by intense, irrelevant and constant fear of marriage and commitment. Fear of Hurting Other People: Compulsions/Rituals God bless you all! A few months later, someone who had feelings for me, which i liked too, rejected me and told me that he likes me but isn’t up for a relationship. to my relatives and parents, ect. — This is the name that many people use to describe the severe wolf fear that they may possess – and is used in somewhat serious … Because when people read your post they think its true. I know it’s not like that with every guy but in my mind I’m like why bother trying, I will get someone exactly like my brother and also I’m not afraid to die alone either. I have this phobia. I too feel hopeless sometimes too. © 2005-2020 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. Now when it comes to relationships I find it weird to share something if its good or bad, because in my mind I think, it doesn’t matter because I can solve it myself. Now I am alone again and I am 110% that I want to live alone the rest of my life and it isn’t really something that makes me sad just a fact. He has asked me out but my reply was no, he said he will wait for me but i really don’t know if i am sure. “It may be uncomfortable to walk out of them, but it can be done.”. We all have our short comings and there is no way we won’t offend each other, but the ability to forgive, let go and forget will make a huge difference. The one is my classmate the other was an old classmate. The word originates from Greek “filos” which means ‘loving or beloved’. I’m grateful that I have more freedom in picking my lifestyle. I just turned 18 a few months ago and i can not form any long lasting relstionship with girls. Their relationship was not working and my dad kept another woman outside my house. Drugs and medicines may be prescribed; however, these aren’t a permanent solution. Get a little wild, make a few mistakes, get exposure in life and don’t miss anything because of some religious fanatic who managed to put his fanatical ideas in your life, eventually messing it up together with his own. Nevertheless, seek psychological help if your fear becomes overwhelming. It can cause love accidentally. Then our relationship faded. But who will tell them that I was scared. Eventually though it will have to happen, because unlike the commenter below me, I don’t blame women. You must believe in yourself, don’t let others define who you are. But at 11/12 might just be a tad too young to have the tools to deal with anything really deep right now.. trust me, love and the S word makes everything SO much more complicated than it needs to be. Back then it definitely would’ve been much easier with no problem at all either. Every time I hear things about romance or love it just sounds repulsive and disgusting to me. This is a crappy phobia to have when you actually want love and to have that special person in your life. Theres so much more to say but I havent enough hours or space to say it all here. Saying we don’t need to do this is like saying we don’t need to eat, or drink or sleep. You’ve got a long long way hun, to grow, and figure all that live crap out later, besides that’s freaking awesome! Commonly, the actually most hurtful problems during this avoidance can arise socially by seeing most other people being more happy than oneself or by feeling being despised and unaccepted by society for one’s own norm-deviated attitude. The next day at the end of the day of school that day he was talking about a different girl that he was going to ask out. Whether you have a mild fear of the dentist or a phobia that prevents you from going, we've outlined strategies and treatments to help. I have to mention that I had one unhealthy relationship before this one, he never treated me well. I never showed any interest in her. There are also several online and offline forums or support-groups that can encourage an individual open about his fears about love and commitment. All you need right now is Jesus, I can assure you 200% He loves you unconditionally, read John 3:16, I pray that you get to feel the amazing love of God. It doesn’t matter what gender you are, you should not be considering doing that kind of act to anybody. I am like bipolar with wanting that “love” because one time I crave for it, next I loathe it, then I envy someone who has it. Same here. Most of these women are really to blame for so many men that have given up looking for a woman now, especially the ones that have no manners and respect when it comes to us men. Then my younger sister came in my life. I can’t even imagine the pain. I’ve tried 10 gals, non lasted for more than 3 weeks. However, I DO blame myself. And it can significantly impact your life if not treated. I’m afraid I’m just toxic and am going to hurt anyone who tries to get near me. I definitely have this phobia! I was an emotional and connected reader. The fact that her own father was responsible for the execution might have made her believe that all romantic relationships have a tragic ending. Also, I understand that talking to someone is hard even if they are your friend so you could reach out to priest or a therapist as sometimes talking to a stranger is much easier. I am scared of you. If you were alone in your sentiments, there would be no songs that sing about the same situation you are going through. If there is anybody who has a positive solution for this then please help me out. The more one avoids the source of their fear, the more the fear increases.”. I never believed in the phrase “staying in love” because in the matter of fact, change is the only thing that is constant. If someone was deeply hurt or abandoned as a child, they may be averse to becoming close to someone who may do the same. I have two of the causes, my parent’s divorce, and my culture. First of all because of my parents, they literally got divorced when I was at 6th grade. There’s this teacher named Neville Goddard, he states that, “Everyone is you pushed out”. And “so many of us single men will never be able to meet a real decent normal woman at all”? Then he told me he would transfer out. It really bugs me, that I have this phobia. I didn’t understand how she really felt until I was 16 and got broken by some guy. I have been a wreck for days. Anxiety and panic attacks sound familiar, so does finding it hard to open up. 6. I’m glad to see I’m not crazy – well that this is actually a real thing. When the girl got heart broken I felt the way she felt. The first guy i truly loved cheated on me and i broke it off, we got back together and he verbally and emotionally abused me so i ended it. It is most commonly found in women than in men. I don't know when to tell him though. Women cannot greet men, initiate conversations with them, court them, tell them they love them, whisper sweet things in their ears, have crushes, objectify men, etc. Go somewhere where nobody knows you and begin to connect with people, especially those who are open minded. I’m 35 as well and I have been in a million relationships, but it’s the accumulated trauma of all of them that makes me be like, “Why would I want to do that again? Women are afraid to love men out of fear of emotional intimacy, as is usual for many people, but they are also afraid because in most cases, it will end with them being harmed, raped, or killed. One day in my 4 periods in 6th grade he asks me out and my heart stops and I said yes. And he kept asking me out but my dumb self kept saying yes and when he was talking about a whole different girl that he going to ask out I kept running home crying. Nowadays, it seems to me, love, relationships and evaluation of these are barely based on reasonability and functionality but on sexuality and concentrated subjectivity and some kind of “emotionalism” (in fact hedonism -> lust-oriented attitude of life) rendering the own emotions, the desire, want and need as the most valuable thing in life or more important than all the consequences. I remember feeling so much pain, I wanted to die. I don’t want to be a heartless person but somehow I have some kind of natural love repellent reaction preset in me. Id give ANYTHING to break this chain of pain around us. After reading this.. I don’t know why she said that because I had never done anything to her or even talked with her before. It shares many of the same traits as other specific phobias, particularly those that are social in nature. (Okay, no it won’t). It is important to manage the anxiety attacks experienced owing to the phobia. I can imagine that “short-term relationships” are truely poisonous for people that already fear love because of fate and its transience. Perfection is an illusion and everybody has something that troubles them no matter how perfect their life may seem. When I get into a relationship I have to force myself to be in it. Why in the world would many of us men want to be single anyway? agoraphobia), in chemistry to describe chemical aversions (e.g. It is completely possible for any man to get angry enough to do something as horrible as that, statistically and theoretically. I realized that I was in love and automatically I want to sabotage my relationship because I am afraid to let go of my control, show my vulnerabilities and give someone so much of trust over my heart. We spend time with each other almost every recess, i have a fear he likes me back and it’ll get serious… how do i overcome this?! Nobody is perfect in this world and I think you know that. Philophobia is an unwarranted and an irrational fear of falling in love. In 7th and 8th grade several girls pretended to like me and even asked me out, only to laugh at me if I was stupid enough to believe they actually meant it. These fears comes from a great love. If he continues to pursue me, I’d panic and start sobbing uncontrollably and I’d lock myself away in a room, rocking back and forth wishing for it to all go away. That’s really funny. The kids stayed with me and I raised them. Let yourself heal; find someone you trust and that you know cares about you (family, friends) and talk to them. After some time I found out my friend and my crush broke up. She had an affair and divorced me, and I was so happy when she left. Love inevitably leads to the destruction of your entire world. Love is how they get you. You should at least try to find somebody that you can trust. When the bus stop I ran home crying. And as soon as you use fear that way and allow it to be what it is; allow it to do the job it was designed to do, it will not be felt as fear anymore. I feel sorry for you darling. I think I am just not being myself. All rights reserved. You’re an amazing man to love this women. We have mutual feelings but there’s something going on in my heart. My mom passed when I was 25 and up to that point I had a step father who tried to molest me for 10 years unsuccessfully. Such person if gets into a relationship, would be very possessive and anxious about the other person driving them away. What could you do differently? See a professional. I’m a guy, 19 years. Then at some point he started talking to me a lot, but what I didn’t realize was that almost every time he talked to me was about classwork. Yet the closest I will get to someone is exchanging numbers, talking and texting and a few casual dates. All want no strings attached. As a result of his childhood trauma he has NEVER, like myself, been able to form or keep friendships or committed relationships and he too always walks away from girlfriends for fear of rejection and pain. I often wonder if my partner has any ulterior motives and if they’ll stab me in the back one day. Which leads me to hate myself, which exacerbates the problem. Phew! Today I want to share my story, because I have been keeping it in for so long that it has become painful and suffocating. I believe I have had philophobia for many years and I am wondering if hypnoanalysis will help. I wish for us to be friends, and just that… but… i cant help it, and i fear it’ll get serious. Growing up, I was bullied for having emotions, being a nerd who adored learning, and having a boy for a best friend. More than often, victims refrain from having long conversations with other individuals in the fear that the long conversation would result into a love … Does he see himself as the problem or does he see the situation and the consequences from his environment as the problem which affects him? I knew my classmate – Cliff (not his real name) had a crush on me so as early as i knew, i told him i had someone i loved but that was a lie because i was afraid to break our friendship. I think I am philophobic but possibly a different type.
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